By Rick Sumler

 

Spiraling down out of control
falling from my natural high
depressed from this stressing out
I want to forget about living and die

Cutting my wrist is not the way
to release all the pain
society frowns on men with feelings
making me feel ashamed

I struggled with my curiosity
Identifying with my desires
now comes my moment of truth
realizing I’m not a liar

I told everyone “this is me “
I’m gay and I’m full of pride
my family turned their backs on me
before I committed suicide

No one wants to be my friend
what makes me a terrible person?
pre-teen years really suck
my life is so uncertain

I was so lonely in this big ‘ol world
bullied at school in the halls
teased everyday for no reason
until I ended it all

Just messing around, smoking weed
thinking this is great
until I wanted something more
I needed a stronger taste

I shoot heroin for fifteen years
on the corner as a male prostitute
rain, hail, sleet or snow
towards my addiction in hot pursuit

I’m hungry, tired and broken down
I couldn’t take it anymore
my sister found me three days later
Over dose on purpose on the floor

Eight months ago I lost my job
I needed a helping hand
how could I hold my family together
when I was considered half a man

I cried at night when my wife was asleep
I smiled throughout the day
my Pastor said “you must be strong
things will be okay “

One million dollar insurance policy
should be enough for my wife and kids to survive
Im more valuable to them right now
dead than I was alive

I made sure it was planned out right
hoping they would understand over time
I wished someone would have recognized
my warning signs of
suicide.

Written by: Rickie R. Sumler © 2010